Gay, But not Happy by Larry Hampton

Being gay wasn't easy. It wasn't easy because this lifestyle isn't accepted. There were certain places I couldn't go. Certain circles I didn't fit into. Certain times I didn't feel comfortable around my own family. I was gay, but I wasn't happy. Amidst all of the partying, drinking,sex and other activities I indulged in, I was not happy. I couldn't find happiness. Not until I met Jesus.

At the age of 19, I was introduced to homosexuality. There are several reasons I attribute to my involvement in this lifestyle, in particular a lack of affirmation and being rejected. Because I was so naive, I desired a relationship with a male figure who could provide direction. Not a sexual relationship, but a father-son or big brother-little brother relationship. My father is alive, but I never spent quality time with him. We never talked about issues that concern being a young man. Likewise, my older brother and I never had these talks. It wasn't until I was 22 years old that I told them about my homosexuality.

As I persisted in this lifestyle, I realized I wasn't happy. I had experienced Christ at an early age and I missed this relationship with Him. So in January 1992, I began fellowship with Sweet Holy Spirit church. Although I didnt go every Sunday, I went often.

One Sunday the pastor, Bishop Trotter preached a message, "You were made for greatness!" A young man stood up and testified how he had been shot and how this influenced his decision to surrender his life to Christ. He spoke of how his grandmother had prayed for him and Bishop Trotter prayed for him. At the conclusion of his testimony, Bishop Trotter told the congregation that this teenager realized the need for Christ in his life. "All of us are surviving off the prayers of someone else, " he added. That day I made a decision to come back to Christ. I was still gay, but not happy.

A few years went by, and I began noticing that God was doing a new thing in me. He changed my friends and my unnatural desires. I began to cry out to Him more, to let Him know that I desired to be made whole. As I drew closer to Him, I experienced rejection, pain and hurt from my friends.They called me "deep". I was a sellout, a church boy. It all hurt, but I kept believeing in God. My activity in ministry increased and I developed a relationship with God through prayer, study and fasting.

I remember the day He [God] told me I would be ministering to homosexuals. It was during a Sunday morning worship just before Bishop Trotter preached the message, "Moving from Vision to Victory". There was a spirit of worship in the place as God began to speak to me: "I have called you to set the captives free. Everything that you have been through was to make you who I want you to be. You will be ministering to those who have been raped, molested, sexually addicted, rejected and bound by homosexuality."

A scripture that ministered to me in this Christian walk is found in Revelation 12:10-11: Now is come salvation and strength and the kingdom of our God, and the accuser of our bretheren is cast down, which accused them before God day by day and night. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamd and by the word of their testimony for they loved not their lives unto the death.

Gay, but not Happy

by Minister Larry Hampton

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