All Things Became New
by Minister Donald Johnson
I was born in Mount Vernon, Westchester County New York. I was raised on the south side of the city and grew up for the most part in the public housing projects. There are not many extraordinary things with regards to my being reared but I frequently recall those years with a mixture of grief and delight.
I was born in Mount Vernon, Westchester County, New York. I was raised on the south side of the city, and for the most part, grew up in the public housing projects. I frequently recall those years with a mixture of both delight and grief.
I was the fourth, out-of-wedlock child born to my then 21year old mother. My mother who migrated from a small coal mining town in West Virginia came to New York with the hopes of finding employment, a better life, and the fulfillment of her dreams. However, in her quest, she encountered several obstacles that led to some wrong choices. My conception and birth was the result of one of them.
I was conceived after she chose to succumb to a one night adulterous relationship. For most of my life, I knew hardly anything about my biological father. However, I learned who he was, when I was about ten years old. Surprisingly, I used to see him in the community often. He lived in the same community as I did, all the while, and I finally acquired enough courage to approach and introduce myself to him when I was about twentyfive years old. My mother never told my dad about his paternity. Early in her pregnancy, she decided to place me for adoption.
The adoption was prearranged and as a result, my mother never bonded or held me. The
process was legalistic, prohibitive and restrictive. After being born, I was brought home from the hospital by my adoptive parents after my birth.
I don't remember the first time being told I was adopted. My adoptive parents always discussed it with me, however, it was a topic that I was forbidden to disclose to anyone outside of the family. My being adopted was "a secret". Nonetheless, it was something that I longed to talk about with anyone that would listen. Due much to my parents' inhibitions, the concealment led to a source of insecurity for me. Eventually, it helped to create an identity crisis. The secrecy fostered a lot of emotional confusion. I hold, that it also helped to create confusion over my gender and other attractions and feelings. Early on in life, I began acting out, a lot like a
little girl.
I became very effeminate as a child, and somehow believed or thought that it was “ok”. After all, I didn’t know who I really was. I thought that I might as well act out what I felt. The mental disconcertion I experienced as a child was sometimes overwhelming.
Aside from being confused about my family dynamics, I was also depressed and perceived feelings of abandonment and rejection. Although my adoptive mother was elated about adopting me, my adoptive father was not as enthusiastic. One thing led to another.
When I was about 9 or 10 years old, I began sexually experimenting with a godbrother who would visit our home. I didn’t know it, but that was when I opened the door for the spirit of homosexuality to enter into my life. I know now the Bible teaches that "....The thief (Satan) cometh not but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy...." St .John 10:10 (KJV). Here, it is worth mentioning that "my godbrother" is in the penitentiary today for a drug related homicide. I can't help but wonder what my life would be like if God hadn't seen fit that I be saved from my sins. Eventually, the spirit of homosexuality began to control and dominate my life.
My gender identity confusion became more evident by the time I was 12. By then, I was very effeminate and "girl like". Most of my friends were girls and I felt completely comfortable around them. I didn't identify much with masculine activities or sports and felt often that I couldn't compete athletically with boys my age. Due to the severity of the indications, I was referred to psychological counseling at school.
School personnel concluded that it would be in my best interest to attend school on the opposite side of my town. They were right. The experience proved beneficial and it helped me succeed academically. However, I came in contact with a very negative peer who lived in the community where I did and he had a great deal of influence over me. He was also very involved in homosexuality as well as drug usage.
At the end of my junior high school term. my life took a drastic turn. I was 14 years old and began experiencing adolescence, quite naturally. However, I found that my "mind set" and interests changed. I began relinquishing many of the values and goals that I cherished and been instructed with. For the first time, I began rebelling towards my parents by keeping late hours, drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana. This new era was something beyond to what I had been accustomed. Rebellion began to drive me". Also, the roots of my problems had not changed.
That summer I found myself associating with a group of male homosexuals. It was about 15 to 20 of them. They were all older than me and it was about 15 to 20 of them. It was a type of a gang and they immediately took me in. At first I didn't feel comfortable with them, but then I started convincing myself that I too was supposed to be "gay” and live that lifestyle. I began to believe that I found my niche in life. Then, I "came out of the closet" ( when I was 14) and my life really changed.
Before long, I was frequenting "gay bars and nightclubs". I became involved in promiscuous activities, mostly with older men and then my young life took another spin. Someone turned me on to heroin.
The first time the drug made me sick but I kept trying it. Eventually I used it on a regular basis. Soon, thereafter, I became addicted to it and lost control. After becoming "strung out", I was arrested twice. Once, I served a brief sentence in jail and ended up on probation. I barely graduated from high school but tried to finish college. In college, things got worse. While living in the dormitories, I indulged in marijuana, LSD, mescaline, and hashish; then use heroin when I would come home for school breaks. The homosexual activity also continued and I ended up contracting a severe case of a STD while in college. I eventually returned to New York.
By the time, I was in my early 20s. I continued to be drug dependent and involved promiscuously. I tried to break the heroin dependency by enrolling in a methadone program but then began using prescription drugs: Valium, barbiturates and amphetamines to get high with the methadone. This downward trend continued for about 15 years.
Finally, after becoming an alcoholic, polysubstance abuser and a very active homosexual, I really "lost it all". I experienced several homosexual relationships (most of them abusive one way or another) and in the process, my self image and confidence were shattered. The things that I feared came upon me (Job 3:25).
I experienced three (3)emotional/nervous breakdowns in 198788 and was hospitalized each time. However, what the devil meant for evil, God in his everlasting mercy and grace was turning it around for His good. I was so lost until I began to seek God by reading the scriptures on my own. During my last psychiatric hospitalization in September, 1988, I told the Lord, that if He would restore my mind and mental health that I would serve him all the days of my life. The Lord heard my cry!
One day, in 1987 my biological mother Johnnie Lee Watson (who by then was saved and filled with the Holy Spirit) said to me, "Donald your problem is not psychiatric or psychological, It's spiritual". She had said that many times, but this particular time, it was as if I heard it for the first time. I felt hopeful.
I said to her, "You mean to tell me that there is a spiritual solution to all that I've been experiencing for the last 21 years?" She emphatically said, "Yes, and you need to be saved". Suddenly, it all made sense.
I resolutely decided that if my psychological dilemmas; alcohol and drug dependence; deliverance from homosexuality; and the abuse against my own self could be accomplished through "getting saved", then salvation must be the answer. I decided to visit the church my mother attended, The Bible Church of Christ in Mount Vernon, New York.
It was April, 1987. I arrived at the church a short while after a 'deliverance service' had begun. A deliverance service is a special church meeting where unclean spirits are identified, renounced and cast out of peoples' bodies and minds. A great spiritual healing takes place. The pastor and founder of the church was present. I had heard so much about the pastor, Bishop Roy Bryant, Senior who was
conducting the service that day. I had been told that God taught Dr. Bryant everything that he knew and that the "casting out of evil spirits" was a part of his ministry just as it been with Jesus Christ. I had faith in Bishop Bryant, Sr. I was also impressed to see the time he took to teach God's word to the people gathered there that day. Finally, he came to the time when he would labor in prayer with them and dislodge unclean spirits. Hallelujah! I didn't know what to expect.
However, as the service, progressed it became evident that the power of God was present to heal, deliver and to set his people free. I anxiously decided to get on the prayer line. Several people were ahead of me but Bishop eventually reached me on the line. He stretched forth his hand, laid it upon my forehead and a miracle took place. I felt my feet lifting up from the ground and I heard myself speaking in an audible but unknown language. That was the day that God made a miracle out of a mess. Though sinful as I was, God through the baptism of the Holy Ghost ushered me into the mystical body of Christ and I was transformed. My deliverance had indeed come!
The transformation of being a new creature in Christ Jesus became a process. I began as a newborn baby. Today, almost 17 years later, I can truly say that I am free. I am delivered from homosexuality, drug dependence, identity confusion, insecurity, and fear.... "Old things are passed away and behold all things are become new (II Corinthians 5:17). "Go ye therefore and teach all nations baptizing them in the name of the father, son and the Holy Ghost, teaching them to observe whatsoever things I have said unto and Lo I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.” (Matthew 28:19, 20)
Minister Johnson is an ordained Minister. He is the founder and director of Faith, Hope, Charity Ministries and produces a weekly Cable TV program. He performs extensive evangelistic and outreach ministry at correctional facilities and in various other areas of the community. He holds a MPA from Marist College and is pursuing a doctoral degree in Religious Studies.
