Finding that Perfect Man!

By Christian Moore

Growing up my mother raised me in the church so you could consider me a hybrid Bapticostal Church of God In Christ. My parents were divorced and  "home" was more than dysfunctional.  I've seen two of my closest family member's lives ravaged by sexual brokenness.  One was raped and beaten, left in a field in West Dallas.  The other was molested by an uncle and raped by a distant cousin.  These terrible occurrences  seemed as if  sexual damage was a generational curse passed on by our fathers' iniquities.   Was I next in line for Satan to pull something out of his quiver of tricks?

At  age of six I can remember being a very effeminate child.  Instead of playing with action figures or climbing trees,  I would rather play with dolls and make mud pies with my cousin Shelley.  At that time I didn't know what "gay" meant, but there was an attraction to the same sex.  Like many others growing up with ssa, I suffered rejection/name calling from schoolmates, neighborhood friends, and even family members.  Some of my family members were the worst at nurturing or speaking  homosexuality into my life.  They either took a blind eye or talked behind my mother's back rather than help me.

After I got to middle school the name-calling escalated to violence.  I was in fights quite frequently and I can even recall being spit on.  During class a substitute teacher came to my aid after being harassed by my peers.  The teacher saw that I was weak and vulnerable which led to months of molestation.  Realizing what I had done, I totally succumbed to the call of homosexuality.  Even at this young age homosexuality played games with my mind to the extent I thought I was crazy.  People who haven't gone through something like this cannot fully understand what takes place on a spiritual and mental level for the homosexual so they will recommend false remedies such as having sex with  the opposite sex. Heterosexual sex does not solve sin problems!  They don't realize that is takes the power of God to be loosed from the destructive hold  of this sin.

During my junior year in high school, I became much bolder in my sexual identity.  My gay friends and I formed what became known as the "429 clique" which is a touch tone phone code name for gay.   We went around the school gallivanting getting the gay agenda across for youth.  Being with this group gave me a sense of security for we comforted each other by fighting each others brawls with opposing students.

The boldness I acquired in accepting what I thought was my sexual identity gave way to my own version of sexual liberation. By my senior year I was very promiscuous. No place was too risque for me to a sex hook-up.  Life was moving way too fast for me and I knew that I was on a fast track to destruction.  My  thought was that  I would  be one of those "celibate homosexuals" Pastor Foster mentions in his book "Touching a Dead Man". At least if I played it safe I wouldn't end up "sick".   I was truly a dead man walking.  I thought if I would just wait the right man would eventually come along.  Right now, I  thank God for not allowing me  to be sifted like wheat by the enemy!  God's grace and mercy kept me from myself and the enemy in me.

During my wait, my former fiancée came into the picture but at the same time I met "him". That man I had been waiting for.  I met him on my job and I made some terrible mistakes.  I didn't want to live a double life so I had to make some decisions about this situation.  June 27, 2002 I went to a crusade in Dallas looking for Jesus and freedom and I was set free that very day!  The sermon was "seek the Lord while he may be found".  I was waiting and waiting for someone to comfort me, but I couldn't find it in a man.  I couldn't find it in mama, daddy, or my sister.  The only one who could save and deliver  and comfort me was the Man Jesus.  After the rejection, violence, and self destruction I finally found that perfect someone.  His name is Jesus!

I want to thank God for people like Pastor Foster, Lady Dee Foster, and all the mentors of this overcoming ministry.  Thank you for taking a genuine interest into the souls of people so they too can live again.   This ministry is a tremendous help to me so I can be the man God that he has called me to be.